Hello and welcome to the new year, Extraordinary Authoress Leaguers and beloved civilian readers!
I, Lady Morse Code, thought we might kickoff 2017 with something, or well someone, out of our normal box. Most of the members of the League of Extraordinary Authoresses are fiction writers but there have been a few nonfiction gals to eek their way into the guild over the years. Today’s guest is one of those … a nonfiction writer. Be kind to her please; she’s not used to all this fantastical attention.
Lady Morse Code: Welcome to the blog world … can I call you PP? No, shouldn’t do that. Um. Maybe Penny? No, makes you sound cheap. How about I go with Provocative Believer? Too long and oddly erotic. Penelope it is! That okay with you?
Penelope the Provocateur/The Great Believer: Lady Morse Code, you may call me whatever you wish. Names are not important to me.
LMC: Then why do you have two supernames and a cover name?
PPGB: Sometimes all cannot be encompassed within the bounds of our mortal understanding. We are complex creatures needing to embrace simple notions.
LMC: I see. Did you actually answer my question? I’m not quite sure but your lulling tone and velvety voice make me not care. Well played. Moving on. Before we get into our usual rift of questions, I notice that you’re not wearing a costume of any sort. No cape, no mask, no red cowgirl boots. Just slacks, pearls and a fashionable, yet causal blouse and blazer. What’s up with that?
PPGB: I have no need for elaborate costuming or common avenues of superego trickery. To do my work, I have many costumes that I wear so that I may walk among the average citizens undetected.
LMC: Alrighty then. You definitely have the whole Zen, woowoo thing going on. I like it. Just different than my normal interviews with over the top, drama queen, out of this world superwriters. Maybe I’m just not used to the nonfiction vibe. I’ll get used to it, I’m sure. Tell us about your superpowers, Penelope.
PPGB: My power resides in questioning, challenging and blowing up common assumptions. As well as, boiling complex things down into simple distinctions. And, of course, helping people get things they never knew they wanted, faster than they ever thought possible. Making the impossible possible and the possible routine.
LMC: Readers, we’re going to take a quick recess for me to wrap my head around what she just said and decide whether or not those are legit superpowers. Please stand by.
(4 hours later)
LMC: Okay, we’re back and I can officially say that I’m a convert. I’ve seen the light, the error of my ways and will be buying this superwriter’s books today. As well as paying her whatever she wants in order to have tea with me once a week. Who knew I had my priorities and concepts so screwed up?!? Wow! Mind blown. Well, Penelope, I feel like stopping the interview here and writing my eighty-thousand-word memoir in a day but if I do that, my blog editor would have a fit and readers might be disappointed. So, as not to incur the wrath of Cheryl or upset our fans, let’s continue. Do you have a sidekick?
PPGB: Everyone and no one.
LMC: Hell yeah! I knew she’d say something like that. That’s so you, Great Believer. Any weapons or supergadgets?
PPGB: Curiosity, clarity, and acknowledgement. As well as, of course, my portable technology, complete with electronic mail and calendar.
LMC: Again, such a Zennish answer. Stellar! And nobody can live without portable technology these days, so that’s not a weakness on your part, Penelope. No worries. You’re still super beyond understanding and humanity in my mind’s eye. I’m dying for you to tell me, I mean our readers, about your lair.
PPGB: Because four walls and a physical structure aren’t of utmost importance, Greystone Guides World Headquarters is located in an unassuming 1950’s brick ranch. What is more important are the beings that inhabit a building, like my voracious, people-pleasing rescue bullies.
LMC: Are you telling me that your HQ is guarded by former bullies, like jocks and mean girls? Bullies you’ve converted to your meditative, alternative-thinking ways?
PPGB: No, grasshopper, don’t get ahead of yourself. We rescue Staffordshire Terriers and give them a forever home.
LMC: Well, that’s not as dramatic as my idea but I like the notion that you give discarded and abandoned dogs a home. That’s sweet and now that I think about it, makes sense. Do you have any female superwriter heroes?
LMC: I think Dan Pink is a guy, isn’t he? We’re pretty estrogen-focused around here.
PPGB: Oh, my friend, you have so much to learn—as do we all. What is gender, really, other than a way for us to separate ourselves and cause division and strife? Let go of this habitual mind trap you’ve fallen into. What does it matter if Dan is a man or a woman?
LMC: I feel a bit woozy, like when Rey uses the force on her captors. Yes, Penelope, I will let go of this habitual mind trap and move on. Dan’s gender is not important. Whew! That was intense but we need to press on. I seriously doubt you have any but I always ask; archenemies?
PPGB: Assumptions and unquestioned thoughts.
LMC: Ha! Saw that one coming. Zentastic! Do you have a catch phrase? Wait, let me guess. Something like “Bow to the master of your uber-awareness” or “Wake up to the clarity of the moment”?
PPGB: Actually, it’s “Bamaste, the badass in me recognizes the badass in you.”
LMC: What! No way! Just when I was getting a bit over-zenned, you brought me totally back with that badass catch phrase. Penelope, you are truly a wonder of the superwriter world. I don’t even know what to say. I swear I feel like Oprah out under the trees of her ranch during Super Soul Sunday. Well, I’ve gushed and had my mind blown enough for a life-time of interviews. How do our readers find you and your books?
LMC: Shut the front door! That’s my line. How did you know I was going to say something like that next? Are you a mind-reader too? Just stop. If my mind blows again, they’re going to have to find another superwriter to run the League and write this blog column. Go. Just go away, I can’t be exposed to your awesomeness any longer. But we are having chai lattes tomorrow morning together, right?
PPGB: Yes, we will come together again soon. Do not be surprised if my cover writing persona resonates differently than the one you’ve met in this interview. Here, I have let myself venture into superextremes, a somewhat fictionalized version of myself. In my books, some of this must be held back and tempered to stay true to the Work and my faithful readers.
LMC: I understand. I think. Maybe. Who cares? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Well, folks, I don’t know about you but I’m going to draw myself a hot bath laced with lavender and chamomile and soak by candlelight for a few hours while I contemplate all the ways I plan to improve myself and my writing. Until next time … I hate to even say it now …
Up, Up and Cliché!