By the time you read this, I’m probably dead… tired… and probably crying–from amazing success or devastating failure, but in either case I’m definitely crying.
We’re past the halfway point of November, and you’re probably wondering, after my lofty promises, how NaNoWriMo is going. You wouldn’t be alone–all my friends, their encouraging, expectant faces shining through the Zoom screen–also anxiously await to hear all about my progress.
I consider lying–oh my gosh you guys, we are kicking so much butt, I might just finish this book early, the writing is so so good and coming so so easy…
But my face would give it away–I’ve always been an open book… unlike this book. That I’m trying to write. That has never felt more closed.
So yeah–I’m 6,000 words behind.
WELL YEAH, WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN?! HetPat, always one for Opinions, waltzes into my headspace like he owns the place, sipping a cup of smoking hot turd. THERE WAS AN ELECTION THE WHOLE FIRST WEEK AND YOUR MENTAL HEALTH IS ALL OVER THE PLACE AND REMEMBER HOW YOU’VE BARELY WRITTEN AT ALL THIS YEAR–AND YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD MAGICALLY WRITE 50,000 WORDS IN ONE MONTH?! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!
But–you’re the one who told me to do it! I want to scream at him. You literally argued in our last post that I had no good reason to NOT do it, since I have all my projects outlined! This is your fault!
HetPat simply cackles–his work here is done. And yes, I do feel like an entire clown for choosing the one November that was an election year in the middle of a pandemic to get back into NaNoWriMo, that one’s on me.
Because I promised public accountability in this challenge: there have been at least three days in which not a single word was written (which is how I fell so far behind). But I guess I should also mention that on all other days, I’ve written…something. More often than not it was way less words than was my daily goal, but…something. Which I suppose I should commend myself for, as the whole “writing every day” thing has been…NOT a thing this entire calendar year.
It’s just so hard to not compare myself to other writers, who are conquering this challenge far easier, cranking out words by the thousands every day while I’m struggling to get through even a hundred at a time.
There’s still some time left in the month for the end-of-NaNo-writing-frenzy, so perhaps a cozy, seasonal miracle will happen.
I’m running on the fumes of exhaustion, the buzz of the first night’s excitement tapped out. But it’s probably to be expected that the second half of a race is bound to be harder than the first.
Here’s what I have to keep reminding myself (and HetPat): contrary to the competitive nature of this challenge, this isn’t actually a race–it’s a journey (yes I did throw up in my mouth a little but it’s true.) Yes, I want to win/succeed at hitting my word goal, and yes, I desperately want to stick it to HetPat, proving that I can do something that I put my mind to. But forward progress is forward progress, and by the end of November, this book will be closer to being done than it was at the start.
So we press onward.
We’re getting through this if I have to scream and cry all the way to the finish line.