What Your DnD Character’s Class Says About You

Welcome back, players! We’ve talked about character creation at length here on this blog column of mine, and today, we’re going to put that knowledge (*insert dramatic dun-dun-dun sound effect here*) TO THE TEST–

–Okay, not really. We’re not in a campaign. I have no inspiration points to give and I’m not your DM (only in spirit). But what I can give you is a fun little personality quiz. There’s no greater joy than someone on the internet telling you what kind of person you are based on some non-consequential fact. Let’s get started!

If you don’t have a current character you’re playing right now, drum up an old one from your archives, or make someone up! If you’ve never played DnD before, maybe you can use this list as inspiration for what class you’d like to play in the future 🙂 No, this list isn’t biased at all based on my favorites.

assorted-color Ninjago plastic figures

Barbarian – Those jock villagers in Animal Crossing are based off you. You do 5000 push-ups a day and launder the party’s clothes on your washboard abs. You’re always thinking about balancing your macros and what your next meal is going to be. It’s not unusual for you to charge headfirst into combat with your axe held high, bellowing your battle cry as your party stares at you in horror. You’re the best at spreading cheer and incredibly incapable of speaking in a low voice–and your team wouldn’t have it any other way. And don’t forget: when you’re a team of one, you always get to be the captain!
A word of advice: Don’t go on any stealth missions.
Example: Leeroy Jenkins

Bard – Your typical Saturday night involves sitting around, playing a half-assed rendition of Wonderwall by Oasis on the lyre. Much to everyone’s chagrin, your lazy strumming attracts the barmaids and patrons alike, your syrupy tone drawing them to you like flies. A life of the party, you always have a good anecdote to share, and your easygoing attitude means you’re always on the guest list. A blessing and a curse, you fit in with every social group quite easily, but never feel at home one place in particular. When they say, “a friend to all is a friend to none” they were talking about you.
A word of advice: Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Also, please pick another song.
See: Jack Black, probably

Cleric – Deathly afraid of confrontation, you prefer to assist from the sidelines. You’re always there to lend an ear to a friend in need, but you refuse to get involved–no matter the stakes. Some people think you’re a fuddy duddy because your bedtime is 9PM, but that’s only because they’re cranky and unrested. Under no circumstances will you take sides, or at least not until you’ve heard the full story. When someone needs a tissue or a Band-Aid, it is your time to shine. At the end of the day, everyone needs a Cleric.
A word of advice: Sometimes the best things in life happen after midnight.
Example: The Pope, I guess

Druid – You’ve always preferred animals to people; they’re cute and furry and make funny noises when you talk to them. Nothing pleases you more than being one with nature, taking a peaceful stroll to listen to the trees. When people have trouble keeping their plants alive, you’re the one they plead to bring them back to good health. You have actually never done anything wrong in your whole life, and we love you.
A word of advice: You’re perfect. Never change.
Example: Steve Irwin, r.i.p.

Paladin – You are determined to be that girl’s Prince Charming, even if you only met her five minutes ago and she’s clearly uninterested! Raised on chivalry and good vibes, you don’t have a Chaotic or Evil bone in your body. You’re often found in the training grounds, whacking into a practice dummy as hard as you can in hopes that when it really counts, you’ll succeed. There is nothing more important than protecting the people you love–and the ones who don’t love you back.
A word of advice: Stop texting her, dude. She’s just not that into you.
Example: Prince Charming

Rogue – Social interaction? Never met him. You much prefer to hide in the shadows; there is nothing you fear more than the spotlight. If someone gives you attention, you might die on the spot from sheer embarrassment. You have trouble trusting people after your hard upbringing, but in time you will learn. Sometimes your humor can come off too sarcastic, but it’s a defense mechanism and you’re working on it. Still, your determination and relentlessness proceed you; you are a force to be reckoned with.
A word of advice: stop rebelling against the people who love you!
Example: Rogue (from X-Men)

Wizard: Oh, you just love to stir the pot. You always have time to chat about to the latest drama with your friends–as long as it’s not yours. The book you carry around is called a “burn book,” but not for the fire spells it contains. When you’re not on a mission, you concoct and sell psychedelic brews from your tower.
A word of advice: Put the book down, nerd.
Example: Merlin, Gandalf, Dumbledore — any skinny old guy with a white beard, you name ’em

Did I leave your class out? Tell us what it is in the comments below!

Until next time, players. Let the good dice roll! ⚀⚁⚂

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